steffielee

I guess I’m going to write every time I feel a need to binge eat.  Because I have discovered that is my problem.  I don’t know how to deal with it.  I don’t even know if writing will help me cope.  All I know is that things have gone from bad……………..to worse…….when it comes to my eating.  I’m sitting here on the computer, reading articles and information about Binge Eating Disorder and I’m shaking my head in disbelief that they actually diagnose people with this.  As I’m reading I’m having a huuuuuuuuugeee craving for a gigantic bowl of PASTA with butter smothered all over it…  when there is delisious foooooood like that who the hell wants to eat a salad? I mean honestly.  I love my food.  it has become a BIG part of my life.  But I also want help with my problem.  I don’t know if I can ever walk away from the things I love.  Food (comfort food)  has become my drug of choice.  It is my addiction.  I’m like an alcoholic on a binge drinking night….  Maybe I shouldn’t compare myself to an alcoholic, but it feels like I am. I have no insurance, so I can’t talk to someone professional…and honestly I think I need to talk to someone professional and work out some of my inner issues.  You know where and how this all started..and how it just got so bad.How do you go about talking to someone professional, when you don’t have a doctor, or inssurance?  Most people will laugh in your face if you don’t have the insurance to cover it………. uuuuuuurrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhh.. I’m so sorry for posting this and I’m hoping my negativity does not affect you beautiful people.  I love you guys so much.. I am just soooooooooooo  I don’t know.

SINCE I WAS LITTLE I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE TASTE, TEXTURE AND COMFORT THAT FOOD OFFERED ME….  FOOD WAS MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER WHEN HE WAS NOT THERE, IT WAS MY CRUTCH WHEN I WAS SICK, AND IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND WHEN I DID NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS.  IT ALSO PROTECTED ME FROM BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.   I NEED HELP REALLY BAD.  I HAVE AN ADDICTION TO FOOD.  NOT JUST FOOD, BUT THE GUILTY PLEASURE FOODS……  PASTA, BUTTER, BREAD, BROWNIES, THE LIST GOES ON AND ON….  I THINK MY ADDICTION IS MOSTLY MENTAL.  WHEN I’M UPSET OR STRESSED FROM BEING A NEW MOM OR IF MY FIANCE GETS ON MY LAST NERVE……… WHEN I’M BORED I EAT CONSTANTLY….. WHEN I’M SICK I EAT LIKE A PIG.  MY LIFE IS SURROUNDED WITH FOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO GET AWAY FROM IT..  OR AT LEAST TO HAVE SOME KIND OF CONTROL OVER MY COMPULSIVE EATING…  I CAN TRY ANY DIET, START ANY EXERCISE PROGRAM BUT IT ALWAYS TURNS OUT THE SAME WAY……… I DO REALLY REALLY GOOD.. LOSE  A LOT OF WEIGHT(ACCORDING TO ME)…….  THEN LOSE NOTHING, GET BORED, WALK PAST THAT REECES PEANUT BUTTER CUP AND I JUST CRASH AND BURN.  I HAVE REACHED MY LAST ROPE… I NEED HELP NOW AND I NEED IT TO BE EFFECTIVE.  I KNOW WHAT ALL THIS IS DOING TO ME.  EVERYTIME I OVER EAT I FEEL GUILTY, THEN I OVER EAT SOME MORE TO TRY TO COVER UP THE GUILTY FEELINGS……  ITS JUST ONE UNHEALTHY MOVE TO THE NEXT.  DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ANSWERS?  WHO IS TO SAY I WILL TAKE ANYONES ADVISE ANYWAYS?  SO WHY EVEN WASTE YOUR TIME ANSWERING?????????

YOU KNOW, I THINK I’D LIKE TO KNOW HOW LIFE WOULD BE JUST ONE DAY BEING THIN. OR AT LEAST HEALTHY…….

AFTER MONTHS OF BEING PREGNANT LILIANA IS NOW HERE… I HAD A C SECTION AND HOPE THAT DOESN’T STAND IN THE WAY OF WEIGHT LOSS.  SINCE I HAD HER MY APPETITE HAS GROWN AND I’M EATING LIKE A PIG.  I NEED HELP GETTING BACK ON TRACK AGAIN.

I LOVE EVERTHING ABOUT BEING A MOM, SHE WAS A MONTH EARLY BUT IS NOW STARTING TO CATCH UP AND IS A MONTH AND 3 DAYS OLD.  MY PRIDE AND JOY!

After the little one comes out I have about a year to get where I want to be for my wedding.  I know I can do it.. I just also know its going to take hard work and some life changes………  But then again the baby is going to bring about a lot of life changes so what is one more right?

So my friends, I know it has been a while but a lot has been going on.  I was so excited to lose all of that weight with all of your help.  The only thing now is that I am 12 weeks pregnant.  So after losing all that weight i’m probably going to gain it all back.  I am so happy to become a new mother, but also a little bumed for getting so far only to get back tracked.  But I know its worth it and I know its possible for me to lose the weight again!! love you guys.  Hope you are all ready for the holidays!

Oh goodness I have been bad the last couple of days.  I just feel so bloated.. Had chips and chocolate today………………….

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY.  I MET MY VERY LONG AND REDICULOUS MINI GOAL..  THIS TIME I HAVE SET A MORE REALISTIC MINI GOAL AND I CAN’T WAIT TO REACH THAT.  I KNOW ITS GOING TO BE MORE DIFFICULT NOW BECAUSE IT TOOK ME WHAT SEEMED LIKE FOREVER TO LOSE THOSE LAST FEW POUNDS ON MY MINI GOAL.  I GUESS ITS TIME TO STEP IT UP A NOTCH OR TWO.  I NEED MOTIVATION FOR EXERSIZE.  I HAVE LOST MOST OF MY WEIGHT ON CHANGING MY EATING HABITS ALONE.

I am so happy that I only have one more pound to go before I reach my mini goal of 215.  It has seemed like it took forever but its finally almost here!!  I can’t believe I set such a high mini goal to begin with.  When i first started I didn’t know you should make your mini goals ten to fifteen pounds.. but oh well.  I’m not giving up this time.  I’m moving to south carolina and need some kind of beach body I feel comfortable in.. and who knows maybe next year I will feel confident enough to wear a bikini.  I bet its possible!!

YOU KNOW HOW SOME PEOPLE HAVE THOSE ANIMATED WEIGHTLOSS PROGRESS PICTURES ON THEIR PROFILE???  DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW I CAN MAKE ONE???  I REALLY WANT TO SEE WHAT MINE WOULD LOOK LIKE… SO IF ANYONE KNOWS PLEASE GET BACK TO ME.

10 more pounds to go until I reach my mini goal.  Its so exciting and yet it still seems a ways away.  But i’m making progress and trying not to let temptations rule me.. My mom made mini pizzas for dinner tonight and I didn’t feel like cooking so I cut the pizza in half and cut up some cucumbers instead of eating the whole thing.